An UNSUNG AND UNLIKELY HERO
PROLOGUE
PNM,
or Panum as he will be known through the rest of this story is hardly a hero or
a villain in the literary sense of the word. In fact he embodies what most
people can be coloured by, neither black nor white; Shades of grey. Admittedly,
some shades are darker than most, but then many are just as oppositely light
too.
Panum died less than a year ago
unsung, unknown and almost alone. But thankfully not in poverty, as the many
protagonists of many sob stories that one gets to read in the paperbacks. In
fact, Panum died quite rich. Each of his later hauls in the final years yielded
him no less than a million each. Million in Rupees, which is not much if you
are not an Indian, but significant enough if you are an Indian.
Near the end of his career and life,
with hardly a year to go before he reached the age of 60 of retirement, Panum
was apprehended by the police on the very serious charge of kidnapping. What
made the matter worse was the fact that when the police in the neighbouring
state of Raj got to him, not only did they find the man purportedly kidnapped
by Panum, they also recovered a stash of opium weighing nearly 5 Kgs from the
boot of Panum’s own car. Panum never got the chance to deny that the opium
wasn’t his. Panum languished a year in three jails owing to the interstate
nature of the case before a fantastic lawyer waved a magic wand to get him bail
from the High Court. Would have had him aquitted too, but for the fact that
Panum died an untimely death, within a year of being on bail. Far from
eulogizing Panum and his daredevilry, the story tries to revolve around what a
simple but brilliant lawyer can achieve by emphasizing on just one mantra,
focusing on the fine print and the details.
THE
MAN AND HIS STORY
Panum is an arbitrary acronym for
Parmanand Moena, a Drug Enforcement Officer employed by the Narcotics
Department in India. Narcotics Department in India is a hotly contested term,
with many officers of many agencies purportedly terming themselves as Narcotics
Officers or claiming that their Department is the one and original Narcotics
Department.
Sadly,
the fact remains that the one and only Opium Agency of the British East India
Company went on to devolve into the Police, Customs, Excise, Revenue
Departments, the Civil Services and the Narcotics Department. After
independence, the Narcotics Department again devolved into Departments like the
Narcotics Control Bureau and Central Bureau of Narcotics and the Narcotics
Department. After the last division however, the agency withered like a woman
who has borne too many children, in too many stages and just isn’t willing to
take it anymore.
But
there are shades of brilliance, sparks of action that emanate from even such a
withering plant. Sparks, that by very nature of their intensity and brilliance
manage to overshadow even the brightest of suns. Panum was one such spark.
Unexpected and unheralded, his aura shone much bravely through the dark early
days of the Department. Born in a rustic Rajasthani family, Parmanand Moena or
Panum as he was lovingly nicknamed, was the sixth and the youngest of his many
siblings. In an era and area where the infant mortality of even 25% was not
considered unusual, Panum survived the first crucial seven years considered the
most vital and likely period of possibility of a kid’s survival or demise.
Herding goats and buffalos was the first career move of children in these
places, and Panum effortlessly joined his fellow village boys in walking over
the hills and forests with a fifty head herd of goats for company.
The
long walks on dry and rocky terrain brought in the hardiness and stamina as
well as the sure footedness that would serve him in his later days. Panum was
known to pursue criminals on foot with ease and sense danger with the
extraordinary capability of animal predators who hunt primarily at night. Low
level encounters with wild animals, particularly poisonous snakes and cougars
in the dry browned hills of arid Rajasthan were a regular occurrence and few goatherds
or cowherds ever complained.
The
weak died early and there were few of them. Though not bred in the manner of
the city folks, these rustic goatherds develop strength that comes out of
facing harsh situations and tough work. And also develop resistance to disease.
Panum was infused of all these qualities, and he had the good fortune to
encounter an educated hitchhiker on one of his tough sojourns in the hills.
The
Guilt complex
Hi,
Way
back in 1988, sitting next to you, in a fit of camaraderie and happiness I hit
right on the middle of your big skull the flatter part of our rather thick
history book; the happiness arose as a result of the feeling that the two of us
were right and the teacher was proved wrong in some matter pertaining to
“ancient” European history. In those days, remotely located as the school was
in the hills of the badlands of dustier parts of Uttar Pradesh, the concept of
high fives didn’t exist and no youtube either. Not even proper TV if you can
recall.
It
was a hard hit, and the joy immediately went out of your eyes, replaced so much
so as not by pain, but disappointment that a compatriot in victory could think
of hurting so unnecessarily. That look of disappointment has stayed etched in
my memory. And even thirty years of travelling down the roads of time has not
dented in even the slightest, the recollection of the horror of what I had
done.
Looking
back, I often wondered why I did what I did and whether I could undo the harm.
After some years, of running the tape over and over again, I decided that I at
least had a clear picture of why I
did it; the reasons as I write them at this ripe old middle age seem absolutely
childish, particularly when I have kids older than what we were then.
Reason
1: I was a boy and you were a girl. And so an untouchable, at least going by
the customs of those days. It was okay to sit next to a girl, share her home
brought food and tiffin, cheat from her answer sheet in the exam, talking and
laughing together was fine too since we came from liberal convent co-ed schools
and were likely to continue in co-ed institutions for a very long time to come.
But touch? Na baba na. No way. An infernal sin. Boy touching a girl could be
(in my young mind only, mind you) misconstrued to be a worse crime than rape.
And so, you couldn’t be touched; one of your five precious sense organs
couldn't be touched by my corresponding sense organ. Of course, I’m referring
to our respective skins. In my latter
years, (which began less than a year later) the first thing I did when I had to
take on a female, any female as an associate, was to shake her hand heartily
and without the slightest bit of hesitation. I would take a deep breath, look
at the girl as one would at bitter karela (which is bittergourd that though
tastes most unpleasant, but is supposed to be medicinal in nature; there are
plenty of people I knew who have eaten tons of karela and have passed away
quicker by kidney disease or heart attack than their cigar smoking and country
liquor whacking neighbours, but that’s another story for another day).
So
where was I? Ahem, looking at the girl………so I would look at the girl, and shake
her hand most confidently and strong unwavering grip; but the keyword here is unhesitatingly. The hesitation level
when shaking hands with ladies is so low even today, that one could be forgiven
for thinking that all I must have to do every day is to wake up and move around
the rooms of some hotel, seeking young women, and shaking them…….their hands
you idiot, not the ladies.
So
when we were in class eight, that concept of a firm confident handshake or
slapping the back, or a high five wasn’t there.
Reason
number 2: Nah. There is no reason number two. It’s just a figure of speech.
But
back to the topic once more. As a child who had returned a few months earlier
from a war torn country (from Iraq at war with Iran then), I appeared for just
two of the four semester exams in class three. And scored a perfect hundred in every
subject barring Hindi (and maybe maths too). Stood 11th overall,
which I decided wasn’t too good to be too proud of. And anyone over the rank of
4th or 5th is usually the most troubled guy in the class,
except if the guy’s ranks that way from the bottom.
So
my lovely Malayali Science teacher (who somehow reminded me of a crow), caught me
one day, running with no holds barred in the corridor. The fact that I was just
one of the number of kid running was of no consequence. All that she did was to
hold me by my biceps (which must have been softer than paneer anyday) and
admonish with her long thin dark forefinger, ‘Just because you’ve done well in
some exams, do you think you can do anything you overconfident boy?’
Overconfident??
Far
from being a hero
Dear
Avinash,
As
a man who lives as much by his principles as he lives on food and water, I must
have initially astonished you by saying that if you were to be discovered
blackmailing a person substantially weaker than yourself, you would
automatically have earned my antagonism, never mind how close our friendship
would otherwise appear to be.
But
I also believe that as the weight of those words sank in, I must have commanded
a new level of esteem in your heart. I am loosely aware that I probably occupy
a cult status amounting to hero worship in your eyes, a position that I believe
I do not deserve based on my past performance; and if that be the criterion for
a future test, I fear that I’ll fail the first test of principle that I’ll be
put to.
Maybe,
if I were to dwell upon the background of the genesis of such life’s
principles, I would be able to explain my position better. Firstly, any damn fool
who has read the Godfather, would instantly know on whose mutterings most of my
principles are based on. It isn’t really the Godfather, Don Corleone who I
would love to romantically imagine, guides me. It’s actually the author, Mario
Puzo who has framed the way I think. Just as one finds people guided by modern
day saints like ISKON and the Pope, or thieves like Ram Rahim, so am I guided
by the works of great authors like Puzo, Agatha Christie or Arthur Conan Doyle
(of Hercule Poirot and Sherlock Holmes fame respectively).
Holmes
is an imaginary character, albeit a brilliant scientist, detective and
mathematician, all rolled into one. But he IS imaginary, for all that ardor
that he displays of a terrier who is hot on the scent. And he has been so
popular that he could easily have been elected to the parliament had he so
desired.
The
man behind the scene, the author Doyle despite having attained literary and
financial success with his famous protรฉgรฉe, never really attained those heights
of fame that his creation attained. However, these authors frame much of the
way I think.
The
department needs Drones
Step
2: The test measurement officer,
who is entrusted with not more than 30% check, randomly c
Reduction in weighment time period
Ever
since the concept of single containers for opium of individual cultivators has
taken root, ideas have been floated around for greater transparency and
efficiency in conduct of this rather tough operation. Many good ideas have had
to be dropped due to opposition from cultivators, public representatives or the
GOAWs. The following suggestions are designed to reduce time and space during
weighment without affecting the process overall.
REMOVE THE CONCEPT OF “BADA” COMPLETELY
After
the opium has been sampled at the DOO’s table at parakh, and the container of
opium has been packed and sealed, the cultivator alongwith his container of
opium may move straight to the pre-assigned weighment scale in the same
sequence as his license number.
ZERO WAITING PERIOD
The
cultivator will thus completely bypass the non existent Bada. There will be no
waiting for the results to be declared before the weighment of the sealed
containers. In this manner, the last container will have been weighed within
fifteen minutes of the last sample being taken, which is generally between
10.30 and 11.30. However, the class of the cultivator’s opium shall be marked
in his license after declaration of results by the lab as the last step of the
weighment.
SIMPLIFICATION OF ENTRIES
The
payment registers and check weighment registers (which so far have been filled
with only the weight of the opium of the individual cultivators) will now have
the classes of the individual cultivators opium entered in them.
Simultaneously, the computer entries will also be completed with the class
entered. The excel sheet is capable of generating 70 degree weight, average,
price slab applicable and payment due to the cultivator. These generated
results are to be then required only to be copied onto the payment registers
and the individual licenses of cultivators. Only amount payable to cultivators
is sufficient to be mentioned as the entire exercise has to be restarted after
results by the GOAW are published.
PRECAUTIONS:
In
case, some cultivator’s result turns up as “suspect” or the cultivator wishes
to have his opium graded as “Assamiwar”, such a container will have to be
removed from the regular sequence / challan and placed separately in the
suspect or assamiwar challan. The position of such container will have to be
taken up by the last good container of the last “Good” challan.
As
an example, say if container number 135 from the village Dhamnia becomes
“Assamiwar”, it has to be removed from challan number 2 to the Assamiwar
challan, in the Test Scale zone, also called the temporary godown. Further,
assuming that the last container of the day of number 340, belongs to the
village Mangrol, this will be moved to challan 2 and renumbered 135. Requisite
entries in the computer, the check weighment register and payment register will
have to be correct and necessary remarks will be put in place.
Pros
and cons
PROS:
1.
This suggested process will cause even the slowest weighment centre to end up
before 2 pm any day.
2.
It takes into account the fact that the cultivator wants to know his class of
opium right at the weighment centre itself. This wish is complied with by the
use of this process.
3.
Manpower to guard sealed containers and carry out the activities at the Bada
can be diverted for other locations and purposes. Space saved by the removal of
the huge Bada can be utilized for the scales.
4.
The primary purpose of classwise setting of containers and preparation of
challans was to enable a composite sample to be taken from multiple containers
of the same class and thereafter assign the same result to all the containers
and thereby the opium procured from the individual cultivator. After the
introduction of the individual container for the individual cultivator and end
of the composite sample, the utility of the Bada, the classwise placement of
containers and the classwise preparation of challans have all lost their
relevance
CONS:
1.
In a bad centre where too many containers turn up suspect and assamiwar, the
good challans will have to be reset with extra precautions.
2.
Unless a proper demonstration of this new process is shown to the hammals on
whom most of the execution of the weighment process depends, it will be
difficult for them to work as expected or required.
3.
Changes under signature of the scale in-charge and the subordinate officer to
the Assamiwar / Suspect cultivators will have to be carried out first and
foremost before the individual scales are closed for the day. 10 to 15 changes
can be however, easily kept track of.
Getting your child admitted in school of your choice in the midst of
the session
This article is dedicated to those
people who find themselves in the middle of nowhere when they are transferred
out of a particular city or town, without any rhyme or reason or any
expectation of any movement whatsoever. But transferred they are, and more
often than not somebody at the middle or higher management level derives an
evil satisfaction after having caught an employee completely by surprise.
The effect on Government employees is
more devastating than any other class of employees (or rats as the monkeys at
the top like to call them). This is made possible by the fact that the privately
employed transferee has the opportunity has the option of retaliation by either
cocking a snook by simply refusing to go to a new location or taking up
employment with a different employer; much depends on the level of his
desperation to hold on to the job which in turn applies to the level of
desperation of the corporate world to retain trained and useful employees. And
at times useless employees too.
